I was with some friends last night talking about memory and how some people, whatever their age, seem to have better memories than others.
It’s a fact that I’ve always had a shocking memory for people’s names, but these days, my grown children often say, “Do you remember when………..” and I honestly don’t. Frankly, the 25+ years of raising 4 children whilst holding down several demanding roles are somewhat of a blur. I am incredibly grateful therefore, that something inside me yearned to write from a young age and that my primary school headmaster insisted that all pupils, from age 7, wrote a diary every Monday about their weekend and also about the major events unfolding in the world. This habit was something I never gave up, even after moving up to high school. I now have over 40 journals, some written every day, some written weekly, which chart my life from age 11 to (well you don’t ask a lady’s age!) So…. back to last night. One of my friends said she thought it was incredible that I’d never given up and she wondered why not, when so many of us have a stab a journal writing in our teenage years, which we then grow out of. I’ve been thinking about this today. For me, writing my journal every evening for 20 minutes or so when I go up to bed has always been a chance to reflect on the day. Especially when the children were small and everything was going at a hundred miles an hour. As our family business grew, we went through really challenging times and writing my journal gave me a way to express my worries and frustrations instead of carrying them over to the next day. Often, by writing about a problem, a solution would come from somewhere, or it just wouldn’t seem as bad once I’d expressed it on the page. Having my journals has enabled me to photocopy written memories to go alongside photos and place them in ‘This is your life’ books to give to my children when they reached special birthdays for example. For my son’s wedding last year, I put together a huge scrap book; two or more pages for each of his 28 years, with copies of journal pages where I’d recorded something funny or special about him from each year of his life and corresponding photos, school certificates, swimming badges, also the news headlines and what was in the charts. I got all the family to sign the back two pages and add a little message the night before his wedding and gave it to him and our new daughter, on their wedding evening. It was his life seen through my eyes and I know it is very special to them both. It is very easy, in our mad, fast world to not pay attention to the seemingly ordinary day to day events. But I can assure you, that one day you will miss those untidy teenage bedrooms and the noise and taxi service and the fall outs on holidays and you’ll even miss or perhaps forget the people you once worked with or went to the gym with. The every day stuff of life is the good stuff and if you’ve got it down on paper, in your own words, you can feel it and see it and live it again. Much of the work we focus on during our Role retreats invites delegates to pay attention to responses in their body, we also teach delegates to improve communication confidence by focussing their attention on the ‘other’ whether that be an individual or an audience. A journal invites you to focus your attention on the events of your day or week and is also an amazing gift for your future. Our September retreat will enable 11 delegates to pay attention to themselves and no one else for a whole weekend. If this sounds like heaven, there are just four places left. See http://www.role.uk.com/retreats.html
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At our latest Oysters and Pearls event at Nelson and Colne college, sixty female students experienced a successful day of motivation, mentoring and discussion with the wonderful support of 30 Lancashire business women.
The event, organised by Lancashire Business Role, was facilitated by actress and former NCC student Amy Strange and a key speech was delivered by Alison Malcolm, Outreach Officer at Burnley FC in the Community. Level 2 Art and Design student Arielle Methven, 17, said: “I really enjoyed the day – it was both fun and interesting. I have definitely benefited from it, including taking on board the things I’ll need for a job interview. I’m also going to take away from it to never give up and have the confidence to ask questions and seek help when I need it.” Katy Mason, who regularly supports Role at the Oysters and Pearls events said: “My job in life is to find the strengths and talents in people so that they can have more successful careers and lives." “This year, Wendy and I also spent half a day with the girls prior to them meeting the business women in a workshop entitled ‘Here I Am’. The girls learned about self-belief and perception of others and were advised how to get the most out of the mentoring day." Wendy added: “It was really encouraging to see the girls confidence grow in such a short time, I think it has been another positive and very successful Oysters and Pearls event.” Vice Principal of Nelson and Colne College Alison Rushton said: “I’m delighted that 60 young women have benefited from a truly inspiring and motivating session and I’m grateful for the time taken by business women from across Lancashire to support this event and make a difference to the lives of our students." “Raising aspirations is a core objective of the college and we are always there to provide the support to encourage our students to believe in themselves and their futures and to realise the opportunities out there that are achievable.” Nelson and Colne College will be holding a Careers Expo on Thursday 28 June from 5.30pm until 7.30pm where school leavers and parents, job seekers or individuals looking for a career change can find out everything they need to know about Apprenticeships, volunteering and work placement opportunities. On the night, there will be the chance to speak to employers and Apprentices across a wide range of sectors, and apply for live Apprenticeship vacancies. There will also be workshops to take part in, as well as information on progression routes to Nelson and Colne College’s University Centre. For more information about Nelson and Colne College, contact 01282 440272 or visit www.nelson.ac.uk Canadian researchers have tracked hundreds of children for 10 years, from infancy. They found a clear correlation between those who had family meals and better health. Children who ate dinner with their families were fitter, healthier mentally, and less inclined to eat fast food or drink fizzy drinks.
I was the child of a middle class family in the 60's, so I never knew anything different than all sitting down together at 6pm for dinner, during which we would all discuss our day and Dad would tell us about what was going on in the world and usually ask us questions relating to our school work. I thought everyone did this. Similarly, when Mum and Dad entertained Dad's clients at a dinner-party, my siblings and I handed out peanuts and olives and had a little chat with guests before we went off upstairs. Prior to guests arriving, I watched Mum prepare menus, went with her to shop for the ingredients and set the table, thereby learning about table linens, which wine glass to use for which wine, how to set out cutlery etc. In later life, I attended dinners at Michelin starred restaurants, Hillsborough Castle, receptions at Westminster and found myself seated next to Ministers and Business Leaders. I loved the combination of dining and skilful conversation and silently thanked my parents for embedding the art of dining into my childhood. Dinner parties have played a big part in my adult friendships too. A group of 8 of us have been hosting dinners every 6 weeks or so for over 30 years. Starting when the kids came along and we were all struggling for baby-sitters, we started to cook for each other and over the years we have discussed everything under the sun, whilst watching our children thrive and grow. In this 21st century of 24/7 take-aways and non stop online conversation, it is sad to see the demise of the family dinner and studies are showing the negative effects of this. Many of the busy people I coach shudder at the thought of hosting a dinner party. "When would I have time to plan that, shop for that, cook that?" Just the thought of it is stressful for already stressed out individuals. And yet, they have time to face-book chat for at least an hour a day, watch you-tube and browse internet shopping. I know social media is important to billions of people but so many people I coach are addicted to it and do not realise how many hours a week it is eating up. All I am saying is that a dinner party once a month with friends, colleagues or people you'd just really like to get to know is brilliant. Buy everything ready done from M and S or online if you don't fancy cooking. Or get a take-away. But getting 8 people around a table with no phones allowed makes for real connections and everything involved in the run up is so good for your children to see and experience. But once your little mites have handed out the olives, send them up to bed. This is your time for your kind of conversation and relaxation. Role is launching a series of Exec Connect Dinners bringing together people I know who don't know each other .......... yet! Watch out for your invitation. Often on a Saturday, I walk one of the old paths from Trawden to Colne, across the fields and down the flags to Carry Lane, then up into town where I treat myself to a coffee and scone in my favourite cafe. Today (not Saturday!) the sun was beckoning so I couldn't resist some fresh air. It's a route I know well and I've walked it in snow up to my thighs and in sizzling hot sunshine so I never even think about looking for footpath signs. Today though, I veered off route and followed a path I hadn't taken before - knowing that because I was on 'home ground' and I was up high, there was no way I would lose my bearings. I'd be able to see Colne and head for whichever part of it I wanted.
However, the path didn't stay up high and instead, it dipped into a small valley I didn't even know existed, where a bubbling stream flowed through woods and the path dipped under hawthorn trees. At one point, the path crossed the stream and joined a lane, where there was no sign of whether I had to go left or right and no long distance view across the field to scan for stiles or gates. I followed my nose and was soon relieved to see a small yellow arrow on a fence post. Because I was then in 'new territory' so to speak I was continually scanning for that next little yellow arrow and in one field, I had to pace the whole perimeter before I found a stile tucked away around a corner. Even though I wasn't lost at all really, there was a feeling of anxiety just starting to surface. I realised that as I walked away from the last yellow arrow I felt a little lost until I spotted the next one, at which point a feeling of "Yes, I'm on the right path" came to me. In the end of course I picked up the next yellow arrow out of that field and before I knew it I was striding into town, having discovered new views, houses and farms I didn't know were there and that lovely little valley with the fast flowing stream. It was a good feeling to have found a new way into town. In business, when we are looking from 'up high' we can see the whole thing; where the possible destinations are and the routes we could take to get to them. But when we are stuck in a little valley and there's no obvious little yellow arrows, it's easy to get lost and anxious. It's also very easy to just keep taking the same path, because it's safe and you know the route so well. When I am working with a business, I lead them to that 'high ground' and we look at the whole picture. With 30+ years of business growth and board level experience, I help them plan the best route to their desired destination and we decide together where to place the yellow markers so that everyone involved knows they are on the right path. We meet up at agreed points along the way because sometimes the route takes several months or years and it's good to have someone experienced with you who knows that there is a stile around the corner. When I coach individuals who want to try and take a new path, I help them reduce anxiety and stress levels so that they can see from 'up high' once more. When you are really stressed, your perspective alters and little things seem insurmountable, you get lost in the valleys and can't see beyond the trees. Your ability to make decisions and to focus is impaired and often you don't sleep well. It all feels like a vicious circle. I walk people out of that vicious circle, enabling them to appreciate the detail of life. So this Spring, which is coming I promise (see the new buds on the photo above that I took yesterday), if you are planning some changes in your business or your life and you'd like an experienced guide to help you succeed, just follow this little arrow - -> Give me a house on a hillside
With a wild burn running by Tall spruce and larch and soft green ferns Through which the wind will sigh. Give me a patch of earth to turn As the seasons too will turn And primroses, on a shaded bank On a breezy April morn. Give me a fire on an old stone hearth A dog, with his head on his paws, A big old comfy sofa Warm coats on the back of the door. Walking boots upon the door-mat Gloves tossed upon a chair Hands wrapped around a favourite mug Skin smelling of fresh air. Give me soft summer evenings Or rain on a window pane Some frosted winter mornings With snow drifts on the lane, Give me the quiet that only comes In the dead of a country night Just the faintest hoot of a barn-owl As she glides in silent flight. Give me an old oak table Neath a window with a view A vase of country flowers And places laid for two. A notebook on a writing desk And photos in a frame Loved ones, now gone, who gave me My looks, my self, my name. Give me a house on a hillside And family home for tea Laughter drifting from the garden As they make their memories, And finally when my evening comes Let it be on a country night With my lover’s arms around me Let me glide into silent flight. Wendy Bowers 9.3.18. |
If you enjoy my blogs, you can read more of my work in my book available here www.amazon.co.uk/Words-Walks-Wisdom-Wendy-Bowers/dp/1671172353
AuthorWendy Bowers, Archives
June 2022
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